Advice for skydivers: when the people look like ants, pull. When the ants look like people, pray.
The difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? The golfer goes Whack! - "Damn." The skydiver goes "Damn." - Whack!
What's the difference between turkey and a mother- in law?
There is no difference, both are best, cold on the table.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Hey, why the long
Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast."
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We have a drink
here named after you." The grasshopper says, "Bob?"
An englishman, an irishman and a scotsman walks into a bar. The barman turns around and says:
- What is this, some kind of joke?
It's not the fart that kills, it's the smell.............
A: Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
A: A white horse fell in the mud.
Are we lost captain? Off course.
Customer: Waiter, do you serve pigs?
Waiter: Please sit down Sir and wait your turn, we serve everyone!
Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis?
Because it is below C level.
How come oysters never donate to charity?
Because they are shellfish.
"I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me."
"I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down."
"Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now."
På en restaurang utomlands där de kan engelska.
Servitrisen: Are you finish(ed)?
Svensken: No, I'm swedish.