Funny stories

Advice for skydivers: when the people look like ants, pull. When the ants look like people, pray.

The difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? The golfer goes Whack! - "Damn." The skydiver goes "Damn." - Whack!

What's the difference between turkey and a mother- in law?
There is no difference, both are best, cold on the table.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Hey, why the long
face?"

Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast."

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We have a drink
here named after you." The grasshopper says, "Bob?"

An englishman, an irishman and a scotsman walks into a bar. The barman turns around and says:
- What is this, some kind of joke?

It's not the fart that kills, it's the smell.............

A: Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
B: Ok.
A: A white horse fell in the mud.

Are we lost captain? Off course.

Customer: Waiter, do you serve pigs?
Waiter: Please sit down Sir and wait your turn, we serve everyone!

Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis?
Because it is below C level.

How come oysters never donate to charity?
Because they are shellfish.

"I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me."
"I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down."
"Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now."

På en restaurang utomlands där de kan engelska.
Servitrisen: Are you finish(ed)?
Svensken: No, I'm swedish.